How to talk to your crush - The Noname Nerd

April 03, 2019

That's a good nerd question, am I right?  Because social interaction is awkward. It also sounds like the title to an article in a 17 or Cosmopolitan magazine.  Except, no one reads magazines anymore. These days, it's the kind of thing that someone might look up on Google or YouTube.  It's also a great nerd question because the real question, in nerd language, is how do you initiate a possibly romantic relationship with someone. Look, I sucked at this when I was younger, but I went the nerd route and got a PhD in sociology studying human behavior, practiced social skills in professional settings, and eventually learned to *gasp* make small talk with people I didn't know. With all that fancy learning, this is how you talk to your crush. 
  1.  Put yourself in the same place as your crush.  That seems obvious perhaps, but it isn't always easy. At lunch try to sit near him/her.  Join the same club.  Talk to friends you do know who are standing near your crush. Physical proximity matters and you don't want to be too obvious about just sauntering up randomly to start a conversation. Physical proximity doesn't inevitably lead to conversations, but it creates the opportunity. Also, if you are engaged in a shared activity (think group work!) a conversation is inevitable. Just don't be creepy about it. 
  2. Start the conversation by commenting on something that you have in common. There's a reason that people comment on the weather so much. We all have it in common. Talk about a teacher you both know, a meme everyone is talking about, a TV show or movie that you saw last weekend. This step can be hard so just get it out of the way and move on to step 3 as soon as possible. 
  3. Ask him/her about what they think. It shouldn't be too personal, but something that requires your crush to share something. Ask if they saw a popular movie and what they think. As the conversation moves along, maybe ask them about their family (do you have any brothers or sisters?) or about favorite food, movies, etc.  Share about yourself too of course, but research shows that people feel close when people ask about them. Do your best to remember the details for future conversations.
  4. Look for a natural end to the conversation and finish with a comment about your desire to talk again. Maybe class is starting or the meeting you are at is ending. A small comment that you enjoyed the conversation can go a long way. 
  5. Return to step 1.  Or don't.  Not all crushes will be interested in you. You might lose interest in your crush after the talk. But, if things went well for both of you, give it another shot! 

Quick final piece of advice. Don't be a creeper while you are working up the nerve to talk to your crush. S/he is just another human being and not scary.  If nerves get the best of you  just back off and try again later.  If you spend too long staring at him/her while you are working on step 1 it can just be creepy. 

If your crush turns into something more, consider a small gift (wait at least a few weeks into the relationship!) We have some beautiful gifts right here: 

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